When You Need Me Again
by wantaco79
Summary: The Hero of Ferelden and Commander of the Grey Wardens reflects on the Blight and the Darkspawn. This will be the hero's hardest decision yet; leaving home. One-shot


When You Need Me Again

WARNING: Awakening Spoilers

Disclaimer: I wish so badly that I owned Dragon Age

Seen from the point of view of an imported Awakening character, meaning they fought in the Blight and against the Mother.

Gender, origin and other parts of the Commander kept specifically vague for you, the reader, to imagine your own Dragon Age character if you wish.

The wind blew gently, pushing strands of my hair into my face. Though I gave a small huff of annoyance I did not move to push the stray hair out of my view. Perhaps this would be easier if I couldn't see where I was going. I certainly didn't know _where _I was going. Hell, I didn't even know _what_ I was doing. But I felt a pull, to go _somewhere_. Something important would come of this.

So much for settling down and growing old. It seems everything I did would bring about some great change…

Sighing I took my first step, snow falling lightly and quietly around me. I already felt so old. I hadn't saved the lives of countless people once but _twice._ Scrunching up my face as I walked, I thought and quickly calculated. I was only 23 years old, for Maker's sake.

Time moved slowly, as did I. Although I didn't want to admit it, I was lingering, putting this off. This would be a big change, perhaps the biggest change in my live ever even though it would be such a small change. I was leaving Ferelden, my home. The smallest change could make the greatest difference…

I had never left Ferelden before, never even considered the very concept of it. As a teen I had believed I would forever be here. Back then I thought it was so horrible to be confined to just one country. As I grew into an adult, I still believed I would be here forever, but the idea comforted me. Being in Ferelden had probably been the one constant fact in my life since the Blight had begun.

The Blight…. I rarely thought of it. It was too painful to remember the friends that I had lost in the final battle or the friends that had to leave for their own reasons. I missed Zevran's flirtatious attitude and sense of humor. I missed Sten's quiet demeanor full of honor and discipline. I missed Leliana's music, Wynne's wisdom, Shale's….rock-like sturdiness. Most of all I missed Morrigan's sharp tongue, Alistair's jokes and my dog. Oh how I missed my first three friends in that dreadful quest.

I cared deeply for all of my new companions now of course, but there is something about one's first true friends, especially in a time of strife, that can never be replaced. My new companions had stuck bravely by my side against the Mother, all of them now proud Grey Wardens.

I still had Ogrhen, the drunken dwarf never changed. He could still be found in the Vigil's mess hall, drunkenly telling crude stories about his mate, Felsi. She had given him a few good smacks, much to their young child's delight.

Throughout all of this, Ogrhen had been my best companion. It made my heart ache to leave like this. But I knew if I said goodbye, it was likely I wouldn't be able to go through with leaving.

My body feels heavy despite the fact that I have on very little armor, only basic supplies in my pack and just my favorite weapon. There was no reason to carry a surplus of supplies if there was no danger of Darkspawn. Yet my gear feels heavier than ever before. I do not want to leave my home, but I must. Nobody _truly _wants to be the hero, once they've been the hero. One is doomed to forever be the outcast as a hero.

I will never fall in love, never have a family again. From time to time I will have companions but they will not last forever. I will never have a true home again, nor will I ever be able to make any decision, even the simplest decision, without serious thought on all foreseeable consequences. I will never have….

…..a true life again.

So I keep walking. The dirt crunches beneath my boots and the wind whispers in my ears. My only companions for this journey are my thoughts, my regrets and the taint within me. I have always viewed the taint as a separate entity from me, as a darkspawn within my own soul. Still, I am comforted to not be alone in some way.

Soon I hear the sound of another's boots crunching loudly on the ground. I hear the sound of their labored breathing as they sprint towards me. Turning around I stop and wait.

Ogrhen soon appears in the snow. He stops before me, hunched over as he tries to catch his breath. I pat him on the shoulder sadly. I should have known he would chase after me. Deep down he had always been a big softie.

"Sod it, Commander, what the hell do you think you're doing?" he asked, anger and pain evident in his voice.

"I'm leaving Ferelden, for a time…." I say. Ogrhen almost splutters in rage.

"You can't just _leave;_ you're the Grey Warden Commander. We need you!" He slurred a bit, I could tell he was drunk….well drunk for Ogrhen. I give him a small smile and place both hands on his shoulders, gripping him tightly.

"But you _don't_ need me. The Grey Warden's don't need me. Ferelden doesn't need me. I'm the hero. I don't belong anymore, Ogrhen. I can't just exist here anymore…." I feel the familiar burn foretelling tears in my eyes. Blinking, I lose the battle as I feel wetness on my cheeks. Ogrhen looks at me stubbornly.

"You sodding….you…" Ogrhen sighed heavily, "Who will look after the arling and lead the Grey Wardens?"

"Nathaniel will jump at the chance to be Arl of Amaranthine, I'm sure. Varel will help him. And you, Ogrhen…" I pulled him into a quick hug, stood up and turned away. "You will be Warden Commander in my place." I couldn't bear to stand here anymore, practically abandoning my closest friend.

Ogrhen was silent. He would make a fine Commander, if not a reluctant one to fill my place.

"I'll keep the good ale waiting for you…back at the Vigil then." He mumbled.

"Don't ever change."

"Who? Me?" he gave a weak chuckle and I heard him turn around as well, and slowly begin his walk back to Vigil's Keep.

Hours later I reach a sign, indicating the end of Ferelden and the beginning of somewhere new. This is where I would belong for a time. A hero is always needed, never wanted and forever alone.

Stopping to gaze one last time at my homeland I make a promise. One day, I'll return home. I wouldn't want to skip on that ale with Ogrhen.

I'm sure the Architect's experiments will one day cause some trouble, just as the Mother did. It will give me something to look forward to.

Ferelden will see me again.

Reviews and constructive criticism always appreciated.

I tried my best to keep Ogrhen in character, but he's a tough character to write in this situation….


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